Military families are used to separation. C and I are no different. We just take it to another level — I live and work eight hours away from where he lives and works. Yup. My Home is eight hours away from Our Home.
We never intended to have a commuter marriage. But getting married later in life (we’re both 37) meant we both had established careers, homes, and lifestyles. My job search in a specialized career field hasn’t been made any easier by his PCS move to an economically depressed area. So here we are, one of 3.5 million married couples that live apart for reasons other than legal separation. I fly to Our Home two to three times per month for visits, job interviews, and social engagements. When I am at My Home Saturday is Date Night — dinner and a movie over Skype. We use our leave to take family vacations. It’s not ideal, but it is our life:
Highlights
- Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Reunions are romantic, meaningful, and jam-packed with activities.
- I’ve been able to maintain my career and salary.
- Lots of flights equal lots of frequent flier miles. When I finally move, we’re going to celebrate in the Caribbean!
Challenges
- Maintaining two households: food, bills, taxes, insurance…
- Questions (oh so many questions) about when I will move, why we got married, and if I really love my husband.
- The knowledge that the longer it takes to get a job the more likely it is that I will end up moving while C is deployed or on a short tour.
- The longer it takes to get a job the more I question myself, my talent, and my desire to have a professional career while being a military spouse.
It works for now. Eventually we’ll have to decide an end date, but that will take some soul-searching and financial planning. Until then, I keep my fingers crossed and continue to read blogs of other milspouses. My challenges seem insignificant to the trials that others have. Hearing the successes give me strength and confidence.
adventuresinmilitarymarriage 